Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

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Shortform note: In addition to the emotional benefits of rest, taking adequate time to de-stress has been shown to improve decision-making and general cognitive functioning. It may be hard to just listen without offering advice as people share their problems, but this is often the best support we can give. Sometimes people's behaviors are so unhealthy that it is more harmful for you to be in a relationship with them.

So you give an example in the book where you're talking about a, a mother who's struggling to deal with one of her children who has an addiction issue, and she feels like if she sets any boundaries with this person, that they're gonna kind of spiral out of control and she might lose them forever. Defensive people aren’t listening while you’re talking; they’re personalizing what you say and crafting a response.

Well, if you are processing a cutoff, I think finding support… So that support could be therapy, it could be conversations with family members that support the cutoff. Unfortunately, knowing when we’re happy isn’t much use in boundary-setting situations, as you’ll most often need to set boundaries in response to situations that make you upset. Sometimes they will, you know, do things to say, “Okay, you're gonna help me with this,” but it's, it's one of those things that you have to get some support around.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace gives a good overview of boundary setting with specific examples and social scripts which I know many people will find helpful, and I liked the connection between (lack of) boundaries and burn out. Codependency can happen in a parent-child relationship, a sibling, parent relationship, sibling relationship.Shortform note: Major boundary violations often involve power imbalances that make it difficult for you to safely address them. Hi, I'm Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free. A man telling his mom he doesn’t want to be her emotional confidant after a lifetime of him parenting her.